Healthy Boundaries ... it's gotten to be a "catch phrase" of mental health.
People have read some books that are "supposed to be" Christian.
I was handed a book by "Henry Cloud and Jeff Townsend" about boundaries.
On the surface, it sounds good - and it is full of scripture - out of context.
That was the problem, when my "group" and I started going to the BIBLE and reading those verses in context, they didn't quite line up with the book.
Ok, book by men vs book by God.
Which one would you follow?
I'm no theologian ... but I've done something most people, Americans, have not done.
I have read the Bible from cover to cover.
Most people read devotionals, watch Bible story videos and books, and only listen to sermons.
Or they read a watered down paraphrase of the Bible.
And I learned how to dig into the Greek and Hebrew.
Let's look at these.
1. God never asked us to "fix" anyone else. He asks us to pray for them and live a Godly Life before them. And it gives instructions about being available for God to work through you and how to approach others. Our job is to pray, point, and provide directions to God.
2. We are not responsible for others, or their reactions - not their happiness, sadness, nor anger. (Although as parents, we are responsible to teach our children how to react in a Godly Way). God looks on their hearts, not us. Nor are we to jump to conclusions. We are to pray for them and forgive them. Leave the rest to God. If the BASIS of any counseling does not begin with forgiveness ... it might not be from God. If counseling BEGINS WITH, "I know it really is impossible to forgive this, so you have to get revenge or throw them out" ... then RUN .. that counseling is NOT from God.
3. Pray first. Who is asking? If it is from God, then say "Yes". If it is from man, "then you should weigh it against scripture." Too often we say "no" to God and "yes" to man, because the "man" part is more fun and instantly rewarding. God asks hard things of us. Look at the story of Jonah. I mean the REAL one. Jonah said No. Wasn't that his right!
4. / 5. These kind of go together. Being responsible for others and anticipating their needs. Ever read the story of Joseph? God orchestrated so many parts of his life. Joseph was proud and spoiled. God could not use him until he had learned submission and obedience. Then when he was ready, God put him in a position to be "responsible" and "anticipate needs". The "whole world" came to Egypt for food, because of Joseph. As parents, it IS our job to be responsible and anticipate the needs of our children. God is always responsible for us and anticipates our needs.
However, we are NOT responsible for their actions nor their walk with God. We are not responsible to remove the curse that goes with the actions. But God does tell us to pray for them and let HIM use us or others to meet their needs. We should always be looking for ways to "Pay God Forward".
We should look for ways to show God's Love (impossible without God!) every single day and in every situation. That choice to "not be responsible" may be that persons LAST CHANCE to choose God. And you said "No, I'm not responsible for them God."
No, we are ONLY responsible TO GOD if we are his child. That whole "obey your parents in all things" .... "Honor your Father (God) and Father (dad on earth)." God kind of MENT that.
6. It is NOT our job to make ourselves happy. That is really kind of shocking that Christians bought into that so easily. God said to be filled with JOY. Joy comes from God and only from God. Happiness is fleeting and conditional - if my cat makes me happy, do I lose my happiness if the cat dies? Actually, Yes. But Joy? Joy sets itself in God First. Really, is happiness a fruit of the spirit? "Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control?
Do you really think Paul was "happy" about being in jail? Or Joseph? Or Corrie Ten Boom?
Was Daniel happy about being a eunuch? But they found JOY in spite of their circumstances because they believed and trusted God first.
7. Nobody has to agree with you? Ok. So, if God doesn't agree? How about that? What if your choice doesn't agree with what God says?
As a child of God, we should always seek to agree with God. No matter what man says.
Man doesn't have to agree with us, because the world will never agree with God.
God never said that it was "ok to do our own thing".
He said, "the World will not agree when you do MY THING."
8. I have a right to my own feelings. Well, how can THAT be a problem?
Often, the Bible says "heart" for our feelings.
The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?
Dig into the Greek ... God is saying our feelings are deceitful.
Feelings come and go. And some of us are heavy feelers.
God has feelings. God made feelings.
BUT God says to not trust our feelings.
Pray, seek reconciliation, if you have anything against your brother - Go to them and TALK - don't even offer your burnt offering to God until you have done so.
See, God isn't about emotions.
He is about building relationships and forgiveness.
9. I am enough.
NO
YOU are never enough.
GOD is enough.
JESUS BLOOD is enough.
Without God, you are nothing, everything you do is nothing, everything of your life is nothing.
When you stand before God at the final judgement ...
He will ask
WHY? What do you bring?
Your only hope is for Jesus to step into your place and say, "Father, I claim this one. This one is mine and my blood bought and paid for their entry to heaven."
You honestly can bring nothing.
2 Timothy 3
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
12Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.
13But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived.
17That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTU1Jb5U2Vs&ab_channel=ChristianSermonsandAudioBooks
